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Season 7, Episode 21 -- A Random Monday

Sometimes, I feel the need to clear the decks of all the random thoughts going through my head, as well as ideas that I’ve written on various Post-Its, scraps of paper and gum wrappers occupying my desk. This is one of those times and here are some of them, in no particular order.


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Lately, I’ve been seeing ads promoting electric toothbrushes. Some people I know use them and say my teeth would be in better shape if I had one, too. But I haven’t had a cavity in like, 15 years, so is it OK if I just keep brushing “old school”? (NOTE: I believe flossing is the key to oral health, anyway.)


Why do sports fans of one team hate sports fans of another team, cutting them down for who they follow and cheer for? Shouldn’t we support and respect one another for backing our own favorites? And oh … it’s sports for chrissake, so why are people so intense with rivalries and trash talking. Shouldn’t it all be fun?


Little known fact: I HATE the song “The 12 Days of Christmas.” But even more than that, I REALLY hate the “Muppets 12 Days of Christmas.” Say what you will about me. I can handle it.


How come I can avoid pizza and potato chips for months without even caring, but once I start with either, I turn into an eating machine?


I’m less frustrated by the fact that Democrats and Republicans can’t cross the aisle than I am that there is an aisle at all. Does that make sense?


If no one has ever said this before, I think this would be a great quote for a coffee mug: “I’m wise

enough to know I’m not very smart, but smart enough to know I’m not very wise.”


I just found out that “avocado” comes from an Aztec word for “testicle.”


On a serious note, I’m kind of worried that, through the years, I’ve had a bunch of undiagnosed concussions, and later in life, I’m going to start suffering the consequences. On the other hand, maybe I’m OK. Or is thinking that maybe I’m OK really the first sign that I’m not OK?


I was watching an interview with Jimmy Johnson (the former football coach, not the racecar driver). He was talking about the death of his mother and why he didn’t attend her funeral and said, “I don’t go to a lot of funerals because I don’t think the last time I see somebody should be in that condition.” That stuck with me, and you know what? I think he’s right. So, at my funeral, close the casket (or burn me down to the studs), and just show a nice photo of me as a living, breathing, happy human.


Is the term “near miss” confusing to you? I know it indicates that someone avoided something, but it sounds like something was “almost missed,” in other words, not missed at all.


Why do some people get so angry at sports announcers (you know who you are)? Don’t we have larger issues than that?


Why is it that guys who shave their heads completely bald are seen as cool or “badass,” while guys who have super-short haircuts and receding hairlines are just considered “balding”? (In most cases in life, having “some” of something is usually better than having “none.”)


Something no one likely ever said 40 years ago: “Have you seen my phone?” (Unless, of course, that person just bought a cool, new home phone and had friends over to check it out.)


Why is it so difficult for us to do things with our non-dominant hand? I’m sure if you’re an expert in how the brain works, you have a simple answer for that, but it seems like we should all be at least partially ambidextrous. Maybe we haven’t evolved enough yet.


Recently, I’ve seen several food commercials where the people are shown closing their eyes as they taste the featured food, like they’re sliding into a hot, soothing bubble bath. I’ve never seen anyone do that in real life when they eat.


Waiting for someone to call you back and they’re not? Put a saltine in your mouth, and I guarantee the phone will ring within three seconds.


It’s amazing how a thing can change your day based on whether it happens when you’re alone or with others. For instance, let’s say I’m leaning back on my office chair, reading some notes, and hypothetically (ahem) I fall backwards on the chair. If I’m alone, it’s a moment that comes and goes without incident. If I’m with someone else, it’s a “situation,” or at very least, a story.


It really grinds my gears when someone experiences a lucky event and another says, “You should play the lottery!” I have an entire explanation why this bothers me, but maybe I’ll bore you with that another day.


My dad always used to say, “What in tarnation?” That’s interesting to me because “tarnation” is a euphemism for “damnation,” and as far as I can tell, my father never “euphemized” anything.


What would happen if one day, we all decided to smile at one another, hold the door for others and didn’t tailgate while driving? I wonder what impact those three simple things would have on our lives and our world.


There. Decks cleared. Have a wonderful day. And smile.


© 2019 David R. Haznaw

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© 2019 David Haznaw