Do I Want To Be A Back Biter?

The other day, I was watching Maizie (my daughter’s dog) as she bit her back in a contortive (and interesting) attempt to “scratch and itch.” And I’ll admit, I was envious because it immediately made me think of all the times I had an itch I couldn’t reach, having to resort to leaning against the corner of a wall or a post and raking back and forth like a bear to get relief.

Then, it made me think of something else: After all the times I’ve played the, “If you could have one superpower, what would it be?” game with friends, “back-biting” has never come up, and I wondered it hasn’t.

Frankly, now that I’ve witnessed Maizie execute just such a superpower (which is not super for her, making her the embodiment of the term “lucky dog” in my book), I think “back-biting” might have to go to the top (or near the top) of my superpower list the next time I play the game.

On the other hand, maybe the superpower I’d choose in lieu of “back biting” would be more general; something like “amazing canine flexibility.” Because now, as a man of a “certain age,” my bones, muscles and joints don’t always do what I want or need them to do. I work at it, but man, sometimes I just wish I could flip a switch when I need a bit more flexibility or range of motion.

After a few seconds, Maizie had bitten away her itch and went back to what she had been doing prior: sleeping. And I started to think about superpowers, not for any other reason that they popped into my head, and I had a few minutes to kill.

I’m sure we’ve all played that game at one time or another; the aforementioned “If you could have one superpower, what would it be?” game. And if you haven’t, just hearing the question means you know how to play.

Invariably, participants think of how cool it might be to fly, or have x-ray vision, or super-keen hearing, or the power to become invisible. Or to instantly generate money.

Or maybe it’s more practical, like the ability to eat anything you want and not gain weight.

But if we’re honest with ourselves, we know that the downsides to such “superpowers” likely outweigh the novelty, fun and convenience they would bring us. It’s the ultimate “be careful what you wish for” proposition.

If we could see through walls, what would we see that we shouldn’t … or didn’t want to? If we could hear everything, how much additional bad news or unwanted gossip (maybe about ourselves) would we hear?

If we could eat whatever (and however much) we wanted, would we lose our love of food?

And what about the social aspects of being the only person in your friend group or family with a superpower? I’m not a huge comics fan, but I don’t recall any of the superheroes in these stories to be the most well-adjusted, satisfied, joyful people in their respective social groups.

Beyond superheroes, I remember a Sesame Street program where Elmo gets his wish for every day to be Christmas. At first, it’s great. I mean, c’mon, presents and parties every day? Then, the routine starts to get old, and then Elmo becomes miserable.

Elmo. Miserable. Seriously?

It’s easy to wish and hope and dream. And there’s nothing wrong with that. We can dream of better lives or hope for more (or less) of something. We can want to improve our golf game, or write books, or find a cure for a disease.

Or even lead nations.

But it’s often a slippery slope, and once those wants, hopes and dreams are fulfilled (if they’re not in accordance with who we are or what we want to be), they fall flat. Or worse yet, they can have negative–even dire–consequences.

For the record, I don’t want a superpower. I don’t want the ability fly or see through walls. Or to teleport myself into the past so I can single-handedly change the world as we know it (because that’s not my right, privilege or responsibility).

And while I love food, I don’t want the infinite capacity to eat without gaining weight or compromising my health.

And so, I guess in the end, I don’t REALLY want the ability to bite my back either, even when I have a super-irritating itch I can’t reach.

So, for now, I’ll be content with having “simply” human powers vs. superhuman ones. And I’ll focus more on wishes, hopes and dreams that really matter to me, ones that will benefit me, my family, my friends, my community and the world around me.

Though sometimes I still think it would be really cool to have amazing canine flexibility, don’t you?

© 2025 David R. Haznaw