Don't Have A Bird ... They're Just Squirrels

Recently, I received a bird feeder––my first ever––as a gift.

Growing up, and even well into adulthood, I never fancied myself a “fancier” … of birds, that is. But in recent years, after countless hours walking and running through our neighborhood, coupled with the many evenings sitting on our deck listening to the singing, yapping, cawing and screaming of those feathered folks of all sizes, types and origins, I decided I wanted to take the next step.

And now, every morning I dutifully fill my small, modest bird feeder with some concoction of seeds and other “bird-friendly” foodstuffs to attract my new friends.

In the weeks since I received my feeder, I’ve made several key (and certainly obvious) observations:

• Birds really like bird seed … and I mean, they REALLY like it.

• When birds know that a reliable food “dealer” is working an area, they congregate throughout the day. (In other words, my house has become a “hangout” of sorts.)

• Birds poop a lot … and I mean, they REALLY poop a lot.

• Squirrels (along with other critters, like rabbits, chipmunks, etc.) also really like bird seed.

If you’re also a “backyard birder” (a term I picked up recently that separates real birders––those who observe, identify and study birds vs. those who simply throw out some “chum” every day), I’m sure you’re brutally aware of the four points listed above. And I’m guessing at least one (maybe two) create a level of agitation for you. (After all, most things we like, love or think are worthwhile have unintended consequences; and while I’d love to have a long, in-depth discussion about unintended consequences, I fear the unintended consequences of that discussion could make us all want to do or say things we wish we hadn’t … and I’d likely lose you as a reader.)

I digress.

I feel like I’m something of a unicorn when it comes to bird feeders (that is, someone who feeds birds vs. an inanimate object designed and built to house and distribute bird seed to its customer base … as well as those unintended critters).

Why? Because among the bird feeders I’ve spoken with (the people, not the vessel), most feel some level of agitation with the “unintended critters” (i.e., the squirrels, rabbits, chipmunks, etc.) that like to crash the bird feeder party.

And some have shared with me tactics they use to keep these critters away from their feeders. (To be clear, none of the tactics involved anything cruel or damaging to these critters ... after all, I don’t hang out with animals, well except for those I’m now attracting with my chum … which I just realized is another word for “friend.”)

Aside: I just looked, and one source (reliable? Maybe … maybe not) said the word “chum” as it pertains to bait or food comes from the Scottish word for “food.” Take that for what it’s worth. (I spent 14 seconds looking it up.)

I digress … again.

Anyway, I’ve always been of the opinion that if I were to ever get a bird feeder, I would not only be OK with other critters sharing in the fun, I’d welcome it.

I feel this way for two reasons:

1. If I’m going to voluntarily feed some animals, I should be willing to feed all animals that come around. (Seems fair, right?)

2. I LOVE squirrels.

Now, I realize #1 runs the risk of creating a philosophical divide between my friends/family and myself. But I’ll respect anyone who has a differing opinion because everyone has a right to their opinion. As for #2, I’ve always had a soft spot for squirrels, and it’s because I think the squirrel is the animal that is most like me (or vice-versa).

I won’t go into details here, but I’ve written about squirrels and my own squirrely behavior on a number of occasions. Suffice it to say, we have a kindship. (You can fill in the blanks.) Fact is, I feel like if a squirrel were writing this piece, it would be similar to what you’re reading now (manic, unfocused and with little regard for flow or substance).

Next to dogs (and maybe ducks … ‘cuz I love ducks too), I think squirrels are my favorite animal. Again, you can fill in the blanks as to why, realizing that my “why” for loving squirrels might perfectly match your “why” for disliking them. (Fair point.)

I have read that squirrels can threaten (or at least intimidate) birds near feeders, and I’m sensitive to that, so I’ve done what I can to mitigate such activity (i.e., put the feeder out of reach, etc.)

But in the end (and realize, I’ve only been observing my bird feeder and the rituals, habits and other “goings-on” for a few weeks), it all seems to work. The birds get what they need, the squirrels (et. al.) pick up some scraps from the ground (and occasionally work toward more aggressive tactics), and no one seems to care, and everyone gets along, as long as the human (yours truly) does his job every day.

We can learn something from that, can’t we? (At least, I have.)

As for all the bird poop? Well, I guess that’s just another one of those unintended consequences we backyard birders need to live with if we want to experience the “good stuff.”

© 2026 David R. Haznaw