Is It Me? (Probably)

I’m not sure there is anything in my life more annoying and less effective than an electric hand dryer.

To be fair, there are a lot of things that are more annoying and less effective, and if I start listing them, we might be here all day. But since I live a life relatively free of major annoyances and inconveniences (I’m blessed), and since I just stepped out of a public bathroom wiping my semi-wet hands on my pants, it’s top of mind.

These things (electric hand dryers) have been around for years, as long as I can remember. And yet in all this time, I haven’t noticed a discernible improvement in the results they produce, or in the noise they make.

I’ve seen updated versions, including a unit where the user (that’s you or me) puts their hands inside a small chamber and the air hits the user's hands from two (or more) directions. In theory, one would think this innovation would be twice as effective, or maybe exponentially so (I'm no engineer after all). But that’s not the case in my experience. While this approach might be marginally better than a single tunnel of exhaust hitting my newly washed hands, it hasn’t been a game-changer.

And today, my mind is telling the rest of me, “There has to be a better way.” Seriously, sometimes I actually consider skipping the dryer step altogether and simply going directly to the “wipe hands on pants” protocol.

Make no mistake, I love the idea behind this technology, and I’ll endure (albeit begrudgingly) a little annoyance and inefficiency if it means we can reduce our overall waste while also mitigating the spread of germs. I am, after all, a proponent of becoming more efficient in the spirit of saving the planet and keeping people healthy.

Note: I know I’m likely as inefficient at doing my part to save the planet as the hand dryers in question, but I’m trying.

So, if I’m not willing to “walk the walk”––with damp pants legs––then I’m nothing more than a hypocrite. Because sometimes progress is annoying and inefficient, not to mention inconvenient and difficult. And that makes it easy to ignore, criticize and turn a blind eye (or a wet hand) to. But that’s not a good enough reason to turn one’s back on something worthwhile.

I’m just saying I’m surprised the electric hand dryer industry hasn’t come up with a better mousetrap.

On the other hand, maybe I’m just not patient enough. (That’s probably what my family would say.) Or maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe these dryers are working exactly the way they’re supposed to, and I’m the problem. (Believe me, it wouldn’t be the first time.) Is my technique wrong? Seems pretty simple, but maybe I’m missing a step.

Now that I think about it, there’s a lesson here for me. Maybe I do need to be more patient. Maybe I do need to be more accepting of things that don’t fit my narrow view of life. Maybe I do need to realize that the world isn’t perfect, and that some days you just have to wipe your hands on your pants and get on with your day and that’s that.

And if that’s the best we can do with this hand dryer technology, or if it’s truly working exactly the way it was designed and I’m doing it wrong, I’m OK with it. But I do have one request. The manufacturers need to include a descriptive graphic with related text that reads, “Wipe hands on pants before leaving restroom” on the instruction panel.

I’m a simple man with simple needs. Just be upfront and honest with me, and I can get past most of the annoyances, inefficiencies, inconveniences and challenges in my life … especially if it helps save the planet.

© 2026 David R. Haznaw